Fairy Tales With A Greasy Twist!
by Pixie Moon Angel
Summary: Just what the title says. This is a collection of works by yours truly about well-known fairy tales, but the characters from the Outsiders are the stars! (Duh, Angie. . .I'm so obvious. . .)


Hello, all! This is yet another story by me. You people are probably getting really annoyed, right? Well, sorry, but this one has been in the works for almost a year and has been driving me crazy so I thought that since I'm not really going anywhere with any of my other fics, I might as well try this one! Disclaimer: I do NOT own any one from The Outsiders. They belong to S. E. Hinton. Also, I do NOT own any of the following fairy tales/plots. They belong to. . .old, dead people, I think. I'm just changing the story slightly. I also do NOT own Heaven Marquin, Jade West, or Taylor Winston. I do own myself, Angel(Angelina) Marquin, and I own Joe Curry and I own Katie, who might or might not appear in these stories. I'm just making this up as I go, so I don't know who's gonna be in what, so bear with me, okay? Here's the first one, and this goes out to Jade! Lylas, Jadie! Narrator Thoughts {. . .} my ever-present comments. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~  
Alice in Wonderland  
or  
A J.D. in Wonderland  
  
It was a fine spring day. The sun was out, shinning merrily. The world was alive with new life. And sitting by a river, was Jade West, a spunky teenage raven-haired girl. Her ice-blue eyes closed lazily once again. She was supposed to be listening to her best friend, Angel, read some history project research outloud so that they could get to work, but Jade preffered to pluck the petals off of flowers, throwing them in the air for her dog, Trixie, to catch and eat. Jade didn't really like Trixie, for Trixie was quite an annoying dog, but this proved an effective distraction from Angel's boring reading.  
"I wish you could talk to me, Trixie," Jade said absently. "Then you could tell me how bad these flower petals taste or how boring it is to hear Angel read."  
Jade soon got bored with feeding the dog the bright colored flowers and sprawled out onto the grass. Before she noticed what was happening, her head was nodding. Boy, was she tired!  
She jerked at attention when a young greaser-looking boy went running by. He looked just like Ponyboy Curtis. But something that really caught Jade's attention was that Ponyboy was wearing a waistcoat and carrying a huge pocket watch. A girlie, pink bow tie adorned his tanned neck. How strange he looked! And what was even stranger was that the young man was talking to himself! Something was wrong with that picture. . .  
"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date," Ponyboy mummbled as he continued to run along, completley mindless of Jade.  
"Hey! Pony! Wait up," Jade called, yelling her loudest. Ponyboy didn't seem to hear her. In a flash, she was on her feet, in hot pursuit of the rude greaser.  
Still talking to himself, Ponyboy tripped over a tree limb and fell to the ground. Jade finally caught up to him as he was dusting himself off. She smacked him upside the back of his head and glared.  
"Ponyboy Curtis! How dare you ignore me! I should cut your hair off," Jade yelled angrily.  
"Ponyboy Curtis?" The young man looked throughly confused. "I know no Ponyboy Curtis, miss. I am the White Rabbit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must take my leave of you! I have a very important date to keep!"  
With that, the White Rabbit took a giant hop into a hollow tree, yelling something about his fur and whiskers and he was late. A question still lingered in Jade's mind, one that she wanted answered. Jade also thought that maybe the important date that he was late for was a rumble that someone forgot to tell her about. Quickly, she jumped into the tree after him.  
Jade stumbled over something that she could not see and the fell head over heels into a deep, dark hole. After what seemed like an eternity, she began to fall slower and slower. This was exceedingly strange. Instead of falling, now she was floating! How bizaare, Jade thought dimly.  
She landed gently on her feet, just as Ponyboy's backside disappeared into a tiny door. The young girl found that she was too big to follow the "White Rabbit" so she wandered off by herself to see what kind of mess she was in now. He mother had always said that men were trouble and this just proved it! Ponyboy had led her into some strange world.  
This new world was full of the strangest creatures that she'd ever seen. Some of the creatures were things that didn't even exsist in her wildest nightmares! Birds talked and fish walked! Trying to escape a barking caterpiller-like dog that reminded her strongly of Trixie, Jade ran into a forest. And soon got herself lost again.  
"Oh, where am I?! That stupid Ponyboy. . .He's gonna get a whomping when I get out of this kooky place."  
"Don't you mean, IF you get out of this place," asked a strange voice from behind Jade. She spun around quickly, only to be met with the path that she had just come from.  
"Who's there," she demanded. "I've got a switch and I'm not afraid to use it!" Jade flicked out her switch blade and held it up, ready for any kind of fight.  
Suddenly, a person appeared, lounging in a tree above her. And of all people to be, it was. . .  
"Two-Bit!"  
"Two-Bit," the person asked. "No, I'm the Cheshire Cat! But a lovely name, that. I suppose that I would be called that if I weren't the Cheshire Cat."  
"Two-Bit, this isn't the time for your drunk rantings! I need to find Ponyboy. Have you seen him?!"  
"Ponyboy? Who's that," the strange Cat asked.  
"You know who that is! Oh, nevermind. Have you seen the White Rabbit?"  
"Now, him, I know. He went to a tea party."  
Jade looked at him as if he had flipped his lid for a moment then shrugged. Everyone else in this place was crazy. And Ponyboy was walking around in funny clothes and calling himself the White Rabbit. Why not attend a tea party?  
"All right, bub. Where's this stupid tea party?"  
"Right down the path you're going. Turn around. Didn't you see it? Silly girl."  
The young girl spun around quickly and looked down the path that she had been heading towards. No longer was it grown over with weeds. Now it was perfectly clear, as if someone had cleared it for her. She turned to face the Cheshire Cat, so she could yell at him to vent her anger, but he was gone and the path behind her was grown with weeds. How odd. . .  
Jade just shrugged and put her switch back into her boot. She then shoved her fists back into her pockets and strode down the path ahead, intent on finding Ponyboy, or the White Rabbit, or whatever his stupid name was!  
Soon she came across two people, standing with their backs to her. But something about the way they stood and their bodily structre reminded her of someone. She didn't place it until they turned around. It was Tim and Curly Shepard! She looked at their insane outfits and tried hard not to laugh. All she needed right now was a fuss with the Shepards. Something was wrong here. . .The collars of their crazy shirts read Tweedledee and Tweedledum. They opened their mouths to say something, but she beat them to it.  
"Lemme guess! You're Tweedledee." She pointed to Tim, who nodded, and then to Curly. "And you're Tweedledum. Am I right?!"  
"When you meet someone for the first time, it's only proper to shake hands and then state your name and business." Curly grabbed her hand tightly.  
"That's manners!" Tim grabbed her other hand.  
The two greaser began dancing Jade around in wide circles and eventually swept her off of her feet. Being the rough Shepards that they were, they knocked Jade onto her backside. Somehow, she wasn't amused in the least.  
"Who are you to preach about manners," she nearly yelled as she jumped to her feet. "You just knocked me down flat! I should deck you! And I would, if I wasn't so intent on finding Pon--the White Rabbit, I mean. And if you have to know, my name is Jade West. May you rue the day you heard it!" With that said, Jade stomped off, continuing her search for The White Rabbit.  
Tim and Curly tried to protest, but all of their pleads for her to stay fell on deaf ears. Jade had made up her mind to leave and that's what she did, without so much as a by-your-leave. Anger envloped her and the next thing she was conscious of was a large garden around her. Would you believe that flying around were bread-and-butterflies and a rocking-horse fly?! And that's when Jade discovered that the flowers in this strange wonderland could talk!  
"What kind of flower are you," asked a huge red rose that looked just like Cherry Valance. There was a friendly air about Cherry, but Jade didn't trust her as far as she could throw her, Cherry being a soc and all.  
"Do I look like a flower to you, nimrod," Jade snapped irratibly. She was tired and hungry and this was the last thing she needed at this time.  
"No fragrance," a daisy, that looked suspiciously like Marcia, said as she sniffed at Jade's hair.  
"Back away from me and stop sniffin' unless you wanna lose that nose," Jade said, balling up her fist and shoving it in the daisy's face. "I'm no flower! How many times do I have to tell you idiots?!"  
"I thought so," cried a violet that beared a striking resemblance to Katie, the cheerleader from school. "You're nothing but a common weed! I knew it the whole time!"  
"Get out!" yelled all of the flowers together. "We don't want some weed in our lovely garden!!"  
They shoved Jade out and before she did something rash, she started her quest for Ponyboy again.  
When she looked up at the sun to determine what time it was, Jade was met with a familiar girn. It was the Cheshire Cat! The rest of him was quick to appear.  
"Where is that stupid White Rabbit?!," Jade demanded, holding the Cheshire Cat by the collar of his black leather jacket. All he could do was smile. Two-Bit was really crocked this time.  
"He's at a tea party, just like I told you. Silly girl." The Cat chuckled. Jade had the sudden urge to shave off his long sideburns. That would teach him to call her silly girl!  
"Where is the tea party at," Jade demanded through clenched teeth.  
"Why, the Mad Hatter's home, of course! Where else would it be?" This was said in a way that suggested that if one didn't know that a tea party was located at the Mad Hatter's, one was completly lost.  
Jade shoved Two-Bit away roughly and looked around.  
"You know, I don't think I want to visit a mad person," she said, more to herself than anyone.  
"You can't avoid it," said the cat. "Almost every person here is mad." And with that said, the Cheshire Cat began to disappear.  
When he was finally gone, Jade heaved a sigh of relief.  
"Whoever said that Two-Bit was helpful was stock-raving mad," she thought outloud. Then she realized that he hadn't told her how to get to the Mad Hatter's house. She was once again bubbling over with anger.  
She wandered on until she came to two signs that were pointed in the same direction. One said "Mad Hatter" while the other said "March Hare". Jade didn't want to waste her time with anymore crazy people, but she thought that just maybe, this Mad Hatter person would be able to tell her where the White Rabbit was.  
Jade followed the signs until she came into a clearing in the woods where the Mad Hatter was indeed throwing his tea party. She walked up to the long table and sat down into a comfy chair.  
"No room," someone howled, causing her to jump up. Standing at the other end of the table were Soda and Steve, Soda wearing a huge top hat and Steve with bunny ears on.  
"You're the Mad Hatter and the March Hare," Jade asked irratably.  
"No," Soda said. "I'm the Mad Hatter. He's the March Hare!"  
"That's right," Steve said.  
Jade shrugged. "Works for me. Now, what in the world are you talking about 'no room'. There's plenty of room, you idiots!!"  
"Maybe," the March Hare said thoughtfully. "But then again, it's quite rude to sit down without first being asked to!"  
The Mad Hatter and March Hare then began to make Jade feel unwelcome. She dug her nails into the palms of her hands and counted backwards from twenty in her head. Anger management, she thought to herself. Anger management. Don't let these idiots get a rise outta me. . . Not only would they not give her any tea, which she wished to have because she was very thirsty, but they even refused to help her find the White Rabbit, giving the excuse that they had never heard of the fellow and knew nothing of his whereabouts. Finally, Jade got upset.  
She jumped up and punched Steve in the face. There was a satisfying crunch as his nose broke and the blood flowed freely. Once again, she felt free. Causing someone bodily harm always did that for her. After that, she once more set out by herself.  
Before long, Jade came into a garden full of bushes bearing white roses. It was marvelous! And one solitary card, the Ace of Spades, was running around, painting all of the roses pink. He looked just like Johnny, but as Jade had learned by now, no one was who they appeared to be.  
"Hey," she yelled. The skiddish card turned around suddenly. "Why are you painting the roses pink?"  
"That's the color paint I was given," the card said quietly. He looked down at the paint.  
"PINK ROSES," a voice roared in question. Jade looked over her shoulder to find the last person she thought that she would see here: Sandy. The blonde was dressed up in a fancy red and black dress with a golden crown on her head.  
"Dear Lord, save us all," Jade mummbled under her breath.  
"Why are these roses PINK," the queen yelled. "I specifically said that I wanted them RED! OFF WITH HIS HEAD!!!"  
Before Jade could utter a word in protest, two more cards came out and dragged Johnny away.  
"And who are you," demanded Sandy of Jade.  
"Me?! Who in the hell do you think YOU are?!"  
"I am the Queen of Hearts. Bow down before me."  
"You must be crazy," Jade laughed. "I'm not bowing down to THAT!"  
"How about a nice game of croquet," the Queen of Hearts asked with a dangerous glint in her eyes.  
"You're on, ugly," the young greaser said, ready for competition.  
Both players were brought two items each: a flamingo and a hedgehog. The flamingo served as a mallet while the hedgehogs were supposed to be the balls. Jade looked down at her hedgehog. There was something weird about it. It held the face of none other than Dallas Winston.  
"Come on, hit me! I dare ya," he prodded. Jade swung back and sent the rude hedgehog flying.  
Jade didn't really like this game, in fact, she hated it. But she had a feeling that the White Rabbit was nearby. And she was right. As it turned out, he was working for the queen! Jade walked over to him and was just about to open her mouth to ask him her all-important question when the Cheshire Cat made another of his unannounced appearences.  
He snuck up behind the queen and propmtly tripped her. Jade laughed as the Queen of Hearts fell onto her backside with a gasp. The laughter just wouldn't stop, even after the Cheshire Cat disapperared. Hearing Jade's laughter, the queen turned accusing eyes onto her.  
"OFF WITH HER HEAD," the queen cried.  
Everyone ran around in a hurry. Jade was knocking out card-people left and right. Suddenly, she caught sight of the White Rabbit again and took off in hot pursuit of him. She chased him right into the dark woods and cornered him against a tree.  
"What do you want from me," the rabbit asked in a frightened voice, using his hands to sheild his face.  
"I've been chasing your dumbass self around all this time! I want to ask you one damned question!" Jade quickly caught her breath and contuined. "Why are you wearing a pink bow tie?!"  
The White Rabbit looked down at his bow tie and then back up at Jade. He arched one eyebrow and looked her dead in the eyes with a confused look on his face.  
"Didn't you know," he asked. "Only REAL men wear pink!"  
Jade fell over backwards, not believing what she had just heard.  
"What," she asked as she stood to her feet once more.  
"Sure," the rabbit said. "And if you want to email me, baby, my email address is GirlieinHotPink@Pinkisformen.com!" He clicked his tongue at her and winked. Jade gave him a disgusted face. She was about to start yelling at him again when she heard the queen yelling close behind them. She quickly took off running again, not stopping until she accidently tripped over a root and once more found herself hurdling down a dark hole, flying through space and time. . .  
"Jade West! If you don't wake up right now, I'm gonna kick you in the head," she heard an angry voice yell. Why did that sound so familiar?  
She woke with a start, still sitting beside that river. Trixie was curled up in her lap, asleep, the dog drooling on her jeans. Jade shoved her off rudely.  
"What was that, Angie," Jade asked, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and trying to wipe the drool onto the grass.  
"I was saying that we need to get this project done by Thursday and with you falling asleep all of the time, we're never gonna get it done!" Angel was frustrated. She really wanted to pass history this semester.  
"Hush up, girl," Jade said. "We'll get it done. Geez, I can't believe that I fell asleep!"  
"Well, it has been a long day," Angel said. "How about we go back to the Curtis house and have some tea?"  
"Angie, you're my friend and all, but if you ever mention that word to me again, I'll have to kill you." Jade was still agitated about her visit with the Mad Hatter and the March Hare.  
Angie just looked at Jade in utter confusion. The raven-haired girl just shook her head and began walking away, Angie following. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ Well, that's all for this chapter! How'd ya like it? I thought it turned out okay, and Jade actually seemed to like it well enough. So, tell me what YOU think, okay? Later Days, Loyal Readers! Review, please?! Oh, also, I didn't make up Ponyboy--The White Rabbit's--email address. That was Jade's doing! 


End file.
